He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
