we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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