? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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