just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize