I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
