What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
