my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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