Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
