I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize