return my video game
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
