Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
where are my eyebrows?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
