Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
