my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
