the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
