First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
i think i just lost a toe
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize