but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
