Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
