Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
