So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
