Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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