someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
The Olympian is in my bed
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
