I just made out with a guy for $7.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize