im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
