dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
