omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
