I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
