haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
