The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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