If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
