You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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