the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
