Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
