I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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