Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
