If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
