I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Pooping to opera.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
