I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
