I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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