why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
