I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I didn't notice because vodka
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Randomize