At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
