omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
