here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
