I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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