Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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