READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
