Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
