Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
