Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
He kissed a someone with a penis
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
