bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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