i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
