My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
