So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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