girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
