Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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