i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
