why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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