i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
