Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
