somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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