also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
