Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
