Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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