There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
