I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
