god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
