the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
