Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
