She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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