I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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