How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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