Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
