You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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