So drunk its hurt
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
