Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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