My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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